so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
