Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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