she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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