omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
