Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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