If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
