it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
