ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
