so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
