Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
