you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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