I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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