She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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