4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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