Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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