One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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