He is an equal opportunity slut.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
