Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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