FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
