Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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