I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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