I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
