I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
