just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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