you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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