my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
