It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
