Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
