u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
