did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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