i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
