ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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