True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
