I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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