Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
