we have officially lost it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
