Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
