i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
