I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
