um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
