Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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