So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
