I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
