Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
