i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize