just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
