last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
