Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
