The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
