you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How does one acquire holy water?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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