Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
