this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
