Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
