So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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