Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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