Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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