I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you have feelings for this penis?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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