Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
As shirtless as possible
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
