If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
