Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
