you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
