I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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