babies were throwing up all over the place
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
