His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
