I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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