I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
