Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
