My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
