I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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