I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
