Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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