just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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