he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
