He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
