there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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