I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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