guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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